You are proudly Indian when...

I got a mail long back about "You are proudly South African when”. I was inspired to write the Indian version (in blue) for that... :) enjoy

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YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN / INDIAN WHEN:

Ø You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's license when stopped by a traffic officer
Ø You produce a Rs50 note instead of your driver's license when stopped by a traffic officer, and he asks for Rs100

Ø You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
Ø You can do your entire shopping on the pavement

Ø You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
Ø There is no place to drive a car, let alone park. Only two-wheelers please. Thank you!

Ø You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers
Ø What soccer team????

Ø To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
Ø To get free electricity you just have to prove your local leaders that you are from the minority communities and lead a large base of potential voters.

Ø Hijacking cars is a profession
Ø Burning cars, buses, trains is a profession.

Ø You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
Ø To he with the fees, you can start your own tuition and get others to pay.

Ø The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
Ø The petrol in your tank is always worth more than your car

Ø People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given
Ø People have the most wonderful name: Rahul

Ø "Now now" can mean anything from a minute to a month
Ø "Aww Aww" is the sound a stray dog makes, when you clobber him with stones.

Ø You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
Ø You do not wait for traffic lights.

Ø Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway
Ø Travelling at 120 km/h means you are probably dreaming that you are in South Africa.

Ø A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes
Ø An underground metro train is being introduced, but we can’t handle the yearly flooding.

Ø The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
Ø The last time you visited the coast or had any other form of holiday, you probably spent your life’s earnings.

Ø You paint your car's registration on the roof
Ø You do not paint your car's registration. Just refer to Point 1 above.

Ø You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
Ø You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital, but they never return it when you are discharged, and instead charge you extra for it.

Ø You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one
Ø You can get loans dime a dozen. The problem is paying them back.

Ø Prisoners go on strike
Ø Prisoners go and strike the guards.

Ø You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car
Ø You do not stop at traffic lights. Kapiche!!!

Ø You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
Ø You consider it a good month if you only get mugged twice. Once by the criminals, and once by the cops.

Ø Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high
Ø Bangladeshi, Pakistani, Nepalese, Tibetan, Sri Lankan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high and you realize your population is actually very much under control.

Ø The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
Ø The employees for once dance inside the building.

Ø You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume"
Ø You wear bathing suits and the cultural/moral police will apprehend you.

Ø You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any
Ø You don’t know what Rooibos Tea is. You only drink Cutting Chai.

Ø You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
Ø You stand up voluntarily while singing your national anthem.

Ø You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela
Ø You know someone who knows someone who has assassinated your former prime-ministers.

Ø You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA
Ø You actually get these jokes and re-write them and put them on your blog, so everyone can see.

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