Things I learnt from Robin Hood

Russell Crowe shot into attention for L.A Confidential, and in his career could have won 3 Oscars in a row, had it not been for fate.

• The Insider (Kevin Spacey won for American Beauty)


• Gladiator (for which he won, but shouldn't have)


• A Beautiful Mind (Denzel Washington won for Training Day.)

He tried a few more Oscar worthy performances later, like, Cinderella Man, Master and Commander, 3:10 to Yuma but the hoity-toity Academy most probably gave him a miss due to his controversial off-camera shenanigans.

Don't worry Russell.

Al Pacino & Robert De Niro have also just won an Oscar each.

Ridley Scott has made some awesome movies in the past. Alien, Blade Runner, Gladiator, Body of Lies, Black Hawk Down. Different genres, but still captivating. He could have also won 3 Oscars, 2 of them in a row.

• Thelma & Louise (Jonathan Demme won for Silence of the Lambs)


• Gladiator (Steven Soderbergh won for Traffic)


• Black Hawk Down (Ron Howard won for A Beautiful Mind)

Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, & Quentin Tarantino haven't won an Oscar either.

Both Crowe & Scott are brilliant in their own right, and have collaborated successfully in the past. Gladiator, Body of Lies, American Gangster. (Let's not talk about "A Good Year" here.) They make a combination on par with that of Scorsese - DeNiro, Burton - Depp, Kazan - Brando.

So when they reunite to make another historical epic, naturally expectations will run high.

However this time, it looks like they missed the boat.

Robin Hood tells the story of how a simple archer called Robin Longstride became the legendary Robin Hood. So essentially, this movie has got nothing to do with Robin Hood. It's about the making of Robin Hood. A prequel, with obvious indications of having more sequels, that is, if successful.

The movie looks grand and epic, yes. Very good performances from Cate Blanchett, Mark Strong (currently my favourite actor. Watch him in Body of Lies & Kick Ass.), and of course Crowe. The costumes, locations, & set designs look authentic and gritty. It also has some great fighting sequences, but they are few and far between. Most of the movie seems long, and yawn-worthy, but you could blame that on the audiences instant-gratification need.

There's nothing awesome like Gladiator. No heart-stopping moments like Alien. Nothing cultish like Blade Runner. Not much like 300 either. It doesn't go for the Transformers / Iron Man 2 kind of action-a-minute thrill ride. So don't go expecting that.

A good effort over all, but nothing great. Watch it once if you will. And if you have watched it, then you could always add to my list of Things I learnt from Robin Hood.

1. Multi-layered medieval clothing of dead strangers always fits the alive ones to a T.


2. Adult princes in the middle ages stood naked in front of their mothers.


3. If you defect the army, you get a nice sword and the king's horse as a parting gift.


4. The dying guy who gives you the sword, also has a hot wife waiting just for you.


5. You get to live in the dead-man-who-gave-you-the-sword's castle and sleep in his wife's bedroom, while your loyal friends get to live in a shack with village prostitutes.


6. The village priest is also the village bootlegger.


7. It's always a good idea for family members to leave their handprints on concrete, in case you don't remember your childhood, and need to re-visit it.


8. If you scar a man's face with your arrow, he will bring the French to invade your country.


9. Don't worry about the French invading your country, because they'll only come to 100 ft of the coast in order to retreat.


10. Honey bees also fought for the English crown.


11. If you ride away after fighting with an archer, please carry a metal umbrella, or risk getting an arrow in your neck.


12. English monarchy in the old days was a pretty dumb idea. Sorry, did I say old days? I meant always.


13. If you name your movie "Robin Hood", please let it be about Robin Hood and his adventures, and not about the making of Robin Hood. In that case please call it "Robin Hood Begins" or "How Robin Hood came to be" or "There's something about Robin Longstride".