Things I learnt from Prince of Persia - Sands of Time

Movies were normally adapted from best-selling books. But, the movie adaptations almost always pale in comparison to the actual book. Notable exceptions that I can think of are The Exorcist, Jaws, The Shining, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and of course The Lord of the Rings trilogy (which was way better than the books, and with way less songs. Thank Peter Jackson for that.)

Hey, I just realised that most of the movies have a “The” prefixed. Note to filmmakers: Please adapt books which start with “The”. Far better rate of success.

In recent years, however, with the advent of computer games, we see a lot of phenomenally successful games being adapted for the big screen. Let’s see, there was the forgettable Doom (with The Rock, remember?), Silent Hill (with the hot blonde chick), Lara Croft series (with the adoption-junkie Angelina Jolie), Max Payne (what a great game and what a disappointing movie, despite Mark Wahlberg), Resident Evil series (with Mila Jovovich), Hitman, Final Fantasy etc.

There was even a Super Mario Bros movie. I wonder who played Mario. George Lopez? Tron is coming out soon. The promos look great, but how often have we been misled by promos to actually believe that.

But anyway, one of the most endearing games of yesteryear has been brought to the screen, in the form of Prince of Persia: The sands of time.



Jake Gyllenhaal (yes, that one of Brokeback Mountain) has transformed himself into a hunk for this movie. The movie is about Dastan (means Yarn. As in story, not clothes), a poor orphan boy who was adopted by the King of Persia. He grows up and fights in the King’s army, and how everything goes to crap after that. During the movie, he meets a princess, finds a dagger, has some Back to the Future experiences, and so on. I won’t get too much into the plot, because there isn’t much to it either.

One thing to note is, the film-makers did stay true to the original game’s story, and throw in a lot of elements of the game in the movie, viz. The daggers, the jumping from one floor to another, the parkour, the falling gates, etc.
As is the case with recent Hollywood offerings, the focus is on special effects, action, locations, costumes, and other frills, rather than on the story, acting, directing, and most importantly screenplay. It’s a popcorn flick for spending 2 hours of your life, and don’t go expecting anything life-changing, even though it was for the lead protagonist.

SPOILER ALERT. Do not read further, if you haven’t watched the movie.

Things I learnt from Prince of Persia – Sands of Time.

1. When you make a movie about the middle-east, please ensure that all characters are played by white westerners and one Krishna Bhanji.


2. The King’s soldiers are ruthless people, who will beat up your teen friend mercilessly.


3. You can save your friend by throwing an apple at his attackers.


4. If you throw an apple at the King’s soldiers, you will get adopted by the King.


5. The King’s other “real” sons won’t beat the crap out of you for being an extra addition to the inheritance.


6. Even though NOW you are a prince, you will spend your time goofing around and oil-wrestling with other soldiers. Pining for Brokeback mountain, Jake?


7. The King’s orders are meant to be disobeyed by his sons.


8. If the kingdom you invade was so peaceful and pure as they claim, why the hell did they need walls, gates, soldiers, weapons, boiling oil and other sh*t?


9. The princess of the kingdom you invade, has a weapon that can change history, yet instead of using it she gives it to a messenger, who in turn pretty much gifts you (the enemy) the weapon. Stupid much?


10. The Persian invaders usually married whoever they conquered.


11. The poison in the jacket you made your father wear only activates after a few minutes of wearing, and not while you and others were handling it.


12. Businessmen have been evading taxes for eons.


13. You have to use a token black guy in the movie, and what do you do? Portray him being good with knives. Not helping much for the stereotype here, are you?


14. The princess who latched onto you, only likes you for your... er... umm... dagger.


15. The time-travelling machines of yesteryear had a one minute snooze alarm.


16. Never trust the guy who played Gandhi.


17. Persian assassins could make mini tornados.


18. I always thought people had aces up their sleeves. This guy has snakes up his sleeves.


19. Please go back to point 9 and repeat ad infinitum.


20. Now that you are back, please wait for a sequel and this time in 3D.


Contributed by Pieter:


21. I would also invade a kingdom if the princess was as super-hot as depicted.